She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
