Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
