There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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