Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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