If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
