and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
