so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
