Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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