Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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