in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
