u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
