I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
