Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
