there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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