shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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