Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
