We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
