how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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