it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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