Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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