Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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