I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
