Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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