OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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