textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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