You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
