you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
