dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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