No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Come on in and take your pants off
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