She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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