so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
