I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
