there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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