I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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