$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
