Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
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it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.