Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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