hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.