Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
