he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING