hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my liver is dry heaving
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
