NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.