I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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