I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We named our party play list daddy issues
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
