He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
