I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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