this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't turn off my feet"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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