shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
