He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
