What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
