It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
