pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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