Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
