woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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