I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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