if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
