i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My vagina just clenched in fear
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