no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize