they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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