I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
