??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
