I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
