well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
