You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
