I look better un-naked...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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