fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
