I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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