kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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