I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
NoShamevember. You game?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
