when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
