A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize