Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
