I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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