Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
